21F here… I’ve been struggling with sadness and shit for awhile now and I don’t really have a support system. My family doesn’t believe in mental health (they’re Arab lol) and when I’d try to tell them I’m stressed they would just turn it around and blame me so I can’t talk to them about anything. My past relationship with my dad is also playing a big role in why I feel the way I do at times because it wasn’t the best in the past and it was physical at times and we wouldn’t talk for a long time while living under the same roof so i feel like I’m just this big mess of confusion and social anxiety and i lack the feeling of being loved and cared for. Me and my bf broke up recently (4.5 month of knowing him) but we were so close and he means so much to me, it was a mistake I made that caused us to split (we’re still good friends and hangout here n there but we are long distance of 7.5 hr drive). I feel like this breakup made me feel 100x worse because I literally can’t picture them out of my life and it fucking shatters me. They are long distance for another year but I would’ve waited. I care so much and I just feel like my life is this cycle of meeting people and then they are memories and I hate it so much. I never liked a guy the way I liked him because I never trust anyone like that. But he’s different. I think that’s what’s fucking killing me even more. I just feel like I have no one, no friends, no one to go out and do stuff with. It fucking sucks and I sometimes wish I wasn’t here anymore but I know life is worth living.
Hello, chronic major depression haver here! I can’t really give advice because it will be different for everyone and therapy isn’t my strong suit (my last therapist told me I “need someone with more time and experience”). But I can share some experiences.
My twenties were fucking hell. Sleep all day, lay in bed all night, every color is the same flat gray, etc. I met someone who lit up my life, but it ended. That spiral was baaaaad.
I’ve tried disappearing/running away/taking a long trip. The trips are wonderful and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. However, when you leave everything behind, you only take what’s already a part of you. This can be a great opportunity for self-reflection, or it could make everything louder. Depends on you and what you’re ready for.
I’ve tried drinking it away. Spoiler: you can’t. It’s not worth trying.
Over time, I learned to see the way people in my life helped me grow and be better and this was when things started to turn around. Part of it was just growing up and maturing. Part of it was time and distance. All things must pass, and this will too.
Emotion and logic are not separate things. Emotions react to your experiences and they are there to tell you something. Sometimes it’s that someone is good or bad for you. Sometimes it means you need carbs and a nap. Let them speak, but do not let them rule you. They are advisors.
Some books that helped, and I cried through, are The Elephant in the Brain by Simler and Hanson, Behave by Sapolsky, and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. They may or may not be right for you at different times and you shouldn’t take them as gospel on your feelings or state of mind, but they can provide insight that no one else may be providing.
All in all, what you’re going through is okay, valid, and natural. Try different things. Rest, move, talk, or don’t. My therapist told me I somehow cobbled together a functional set of coping skills through trial and error. I’m not saying to be like me, for the love of all things please don’t. There are better ways. Seek help when you need it and live your life on your terms.
Uh, ramble over, I guess? Not sure it’s helpful, but let me know how I can help.
I can second From Surviving to Thriving by Walker. That book helped me a lot. It really opened my eyes to how many things in my life were just leftover trauma responses.
Hey benignintervention! Just wanted to say I really liked your view of things. I am so glad things turned out for the better for you. I am sure you still have your ups and downs, as we all!, but it is so encouraging to read what helped you and what did not. Even though this reply was addressed to someone else, it really brightened my evening to read how you handled things - for better or for worse. Thank you so much!
Happy to be of service! I spent a couple years training lieutenants and had many opportunities to ad-lib this presentation lol