The scares part about being an adult is that by the time you realize you are an adult you will be a dozen or so major decisions into the process. If you make the wrong choices those decisions can only be fixed by years of hard work.

So think before you choose.

• No means no
• Always require the use of a condom
• Take care of your health.

Everything feels like it happens so fast now and yet I have nearly no free time despite all this convenience. I did things one at a time and had to make an effort to do things like shop or go to the bank or pay bills or whatever. I cannot believe how many books I read and all the time I spent in the local library just browsing the stacks of all sorts of random shit; it was not routinely pared down to popular books, but had all sorts of odds and ends. I deliberately listened to music by putting a tape in the machine, and it was active listening. Radio was creative and beautiful. The local bar I spent time at was home to all sorts of burgeoning local bands. Food was not “small plates” at trendy bistros, but was sizeable satisfactory portions of ordinary food. A trip to the mall was an adventure, and my mall even had a library branch in it. You went to fish fry dinners at the Royal Canadian Legion on Fridays. One restaurant we used to go to we had to write our order down on a pad inside the kitchen, and the cook would come and slap your food in front of you. If you phoned someone and they weren’t home, you just phoned later on.

Nothing felt shitty and overly marketed and ads just existed and weren’t tailored to you. Television sitcoms lasted 26 seasons and you had to wait until next week to see the next one.

Even social media was better before Facebook, it felt organic and you made friends for life. Even early Twitter felt like this constant humorous conversation even if you didn’t agree with someone. Nobody was routinely crucified for misstepping in public (not that they shouldn’t sometimes). Things were definitely more generic but didn’t feel fake and marketed and inauthentic. Google was better and actually found things and didn’t just spit out a few results and then start adding unrelated things.

I’m not trying to sing the ballad of the boomer in B Minor; I appreciate convenience. I am tired of seeing bloated companies turn everything into shit. I want art and music and local watering holes to flourish. I want food to be good and satisfying. I don’t want every episode dropped at once. I just want things to slow down.

So my advice is slow down. Do one thing at a time. Go places and do one thing. Go to old restaurants. Go read paper books at the library. Go listen to a band at a bar. Do things. Don’t reduce it all to your phone. This is my goal for the new year is to do things.

I’ve spent my whole adulthood working in hospitals. They’re shitholes, every single last one of them. Do every single thing you can to never be in one.

Drink water, plain water. Eat whole grains and leafy vegetables. Treat red meat like a dessert (and if you’re morally opposed to meat, make sure you’re still getting all your essential proteins). Find a physical activity you enjoy and do it at least three times a week. Either join an organized religion or specifically curate a group of people you do a weekly activity with who will come check on you if you suddenly stop showing up. And while you’re at it pick a mindfulness activity that you either enjoy or that brings you peace (prayer qualifies but so can yoga or a lot of other things). Avoid nicotine and alcohol at all costs. Go easy on the weed, and avoid anything more interesting without guidance from either a medical professional or some kind of traditional expert on those substances. And if a competent doctor listens to your specific situation and tells you to do or not do something I’ve mentioned, listen to them instead of me.

Decide who you would want to speak for you on your death or near-deathbed. Choose people both trustworthy and level-headed who will put your wishes over their own emotions. Choose multiple people, because it’s not unlikely that any one person will be in the car wreck with you. Talk to those people about what you want to happen or not happen so they can best carry out your wishes. Sign some kind of legally binding paperwork that cements them as the decision maker, especially if your first choice is not the default the state would choose (parent, spouse, sibling, adult child, etc). You can write whatever you want then to do on the paper, but the chosen person will have the right to override it if they think you would want them to. So sign the paper but don’t forget to TALK to them about it.

And good luck because while this will give you the best odds, the universe might also just decide to fuck you in particular anyway.

Cut out social media from your life completely. No, I swear to god, this is life changing advice not some boomer platitudes about how kids these days are always in their phones.

You don’t realize how much life you are missing by being completely stuck to your phone. I promise the world will continue to turn if you ignore your phone for a few hours at a time.

Quit Facebook, quit Instagram, quit X, quit TikTok. If you feel like you are bored and want to open the apps, try something else. Read a book, start a creative writing project, listen to music while meditating, play video games, do some woodworking, go for a walk or a hike with your dog, learn a new language, go out to the bar or club and socialize, go to the gym and work out, draw stuff from your imagination.

I promise promise promise you will feel better. Not right away, but very soon after you start doing these things instead of the vapid doomscrolling, shitposting, clout-chasing, self-aggrandizing social media spiral you will realize that you don’t need your phone. You are able to live your best life when you aren’t thinking about what’s being posted online or taking constant selfies or photographing every meal you eat.

Your future self will thank me.

Wear the fucking retainer after braces come off.

30+ here. Drink more water, wear sunscreen, take photos of your friends, and don’t marry someone just because the Wi-Fi is shared

I asked this same question to my older coworkers back when I was 20. The main answer I got was: travel, travel, travel! “Travel before you have kids.” “Travel before you start a long-term career.” “Travel before you buy a house.”

Naturally, being a Millennial, all three of those things became non-issues. 🙃

So let me give some advice for the ages instead, regardless of what the future may hold for you:

• Never stop learning

• It’s okay to not know what you want to do with life

• And, especially in a post-truth, AI-infested world, question everything!

Take the time to learn what logical fallacies are (at least the common ones.) You WILL encounter them, and knowing when you or someone else is using faulty logic can keep you from harm, whether it be from another person (like what we see in politics) or from yourself (like the “Sunk Cost Fallacy,” which might otherwise lead you to stick with bad jobs, bad relationships, and more.)

Tangentially, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” Nobody knows everything. Anyone who expects you to know any given thing (unless you’re known to have studied it, of course) isn’t someone worth the admiration of. People with realistic expectations will see you as genuine, and being genuine can carry you far.

I could probably think of more if given the time, but those are the most important things off the top of my head. I’m open to questions in the comments; I’ve lived quite a peculiar life, so I’ve got a range of experiences, from being a homeless vandweller, to being a pilot, to pivoting 90° to working with kids and making art. I’m more than happy to answer any questions that might help people out!

Older people? 30+? 💀

Be a doctor, in medical, electric, or plumbing. They’ll exist forever. Alternatively luck out and work 50 work from home jobs at the same time it’s all bullshit work and 99% meetings and very doable

Say the thing.

Don’t apologize, couch, caveat, joke, fuss, start with context, equivocate, mumble, bumble or talk around the subject. Just say it.

Touch grass.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference

Alternatively, “don’t worry be happy”. There’s a lot to be upset about, but if it doesn’t make things better what’s the point? Extend your sense of self as widely as you can, and try to be patient and kind with the oneness you are a tiny part of. It is so easy to get caught up in empty struggle for struggle’s sake. Always act for love, never from fear. Move towards what you want rather than just away from what you don’t. And no matter who you are, know that I love you and want you to be happy :)

Know your financials, income and outflow. Use a credit card for everything but pay it off every month don’t over spend.

Unless you have a full ride scholarship do your general education at a community college.

If you don’t want to go to school join a trade union apprenticeship program. Talk to your local unions while you’re still in highschool so you can be prepared for the process.

IMO electrician > plumber/pipefitter > HVAC > the rest. Carpenter might be above HVAC but I didn’t really talk with any of them. I got hurt in my final year of my plumbing apprenticeship, I did graduate and become a journeyman plumber but left the field shortly after graduation to avoid back surgery. I’m a software engineer now.

Wait for kids. Learn to cook. Exercise. Work hard. Read. No nicotine, cocaine, opioids or other fiercely addictive substances. Everything else in moderation Don’t rush to have sex, but I’m def not advocating waiting till marriage.

Didn’t settle in your relationships, just because you’ve been together a long time doesn’t mean it needs to be forever. I didn’t marry or give up my desire to not have kids with my 5.5 year relationship. Turns out I just didn’t want kids with her. Imeet my wife 3 years later married her after a year and intentionally had a kid the following year(more than 9 months after our wedding thank you very much)

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Older people (30+)

LOLolol…

• Do not assume older people have anything at all figured out