21F here… I’ve been struggling with sadness and shit for awhile now and I don’t really have a support system. My family doesn’t believe in mental health (they’re Arab lol) and when I’d try to tell them I’m stressed they would just turn it around and blame me so I can’t talk to them about anything. My past relationship with my dad is also playing a big role in why I feel the way I do at times because it wasn’t the best in the past and it was physical at times and we wouldn’t talk for a long time while living under the same roof so i feel like I’m just this big mess of confusion and social anxiety and i lack the feeling of being loved and cared for. Me and my bf broke up recently (4.5 month of knowing him) but we were so close and he means so much to me, it was a mistake I made that caused us to split (we’re still good friends and hangout here n there but we are long distance of 7.5 hr drive). I feel like this breakup made me feel 100x worse because I literally can’t picture them out of my life and it fucking shatters me. They are long distance for another year but I would’ve waited. I care so much and I just feel like my life is this cycle of meeting people and then they are memories and I hate it so much. I never liked a guy the way I liked him because I never trust anyone like that. But he’s different. I think that’s what’s fucking killing me even more. I just feel like I have no one, no friends, no one to go out and do stuff with. It fucking sucks and I sometimes wish I wasn’t here anymore but I know life is worth living.
Hey again, canadianchik! Thank you for going into some more details about your situation. I feel like I could understand you a bit better.
It sucks when you can’t really connect with your parents. It’s a bit funny, but it really doesn’t matter how old we are, we always seek validation from parents. The good news is that this relationship can also change, but I do acknowledge it’s not easy. We are so caught up in our parent-child roles and there is a lot of history to overcome.
As for your ex, I get that you finally found someone nice in him after all those years of heartbreak. Now, breaking up with him hurts so much more because of this. I am really sorry to hear this, I am! I also noticed that despite you saying you made a mistake, you also mentioned you are still friends. To me that proves your mistake was not as grave after all, even if it caused your break up.
In both of these situation, I would just like to encourage you to accept your emotions as they are. You might be jealous of your siblings. You might be scared of your dad. You might miss your ex. You might be possessive of him. To all of this I say: so what! These are your feelings, your reactions to what is happening to you. Knowing that time will heal or that you have “high functioning” depression does not change your experience one bit. So, own it. For now, this is how you feel and that’s alright as well. ❤️🩹
I try to get him back but he said he doesn’t want to go into another relationship and he feels that he didn’t give me enough attention that I deserve but he did :( but I will stop trying because I don’t want to annoy him. And thank you for this message. It does suck when I can’t connect to my parents as I wish but I guess it is what it is