21F here… I’ve been struggling with sadness and shit for awhile now and I don’t really have a support system. My family doesn’t believe in mental health (they’re Arab lol) and when I’d try to tell them I’m stressed they would just turn it around and blame me so I can’t talk to them about anything. My past relationship with my dad is also playing a big role in why I feel the way I do at times because it wasn’t the best in the past and it was physical at times and we wouldn’t talk for a long time while living under the same roof so i feel like I’m just this big mess of confusion and social anxiety and i lack the feeling of being loved and cared for. Me and my bf broke up recently (4.5 month of knowing him) but we were so close and he means so much to me, it was a mistake I made that caused us to split (we’re still good friends and hangout here n there but we are long distance of 7.5 hr drive). I feel like this breakup made me feel 100x worse because I literally can’t picture them out of my life and it fucking shatters me. They are long distance for another year but I would’ve waited. I care so much and I just feel like my life is this cycle of meeting people and then they are memories and I hate it so much. I never liked a guy the way I liked him because I never trust anyone like that. But he’s different. I think that’s what’s fucking killing me even more. I just feel like I have no one, no friends, no one to go out and do stuff with. It fucking sucks and I sometimes wish I wasn’t here anymore but I know life is worth living.
You’ll get lots of different advice from a lot of people, breaking up hurts, and it hurts for a while. It is not forever though.
You’re very young, still at a time when hormones thrive and the brain is still developing, take some time to be patient with yourself. It’s okay to feel like you want to disappear, it’s okay to despair, it’s okay to cry. Let yourself experience your emotions without judgement.
I’m trying my best to. It just sucks when you only have one friend. I know quality over quantity but sometimes people don’t rlly feel there for you when ur at ur lowest. Most of my friendships have felt like it was for each others beneficial purposes or just to go out and have fun. Not some deep level. I really care for him and I want him back so bad. I am trying but I feel like I’m only going to push him further. I care a lot about him so much and I know he cares about me and the mistake I made was so stupid of me and I ruined the one good thing I have in my life over that and I’m so mad about it. I hate crying all the time, it hurts so much and it so draining. My emotions are all over the place and with no one to really talk to it sucks. I signed up for therapy I think my first meeting is in a week or two but I’m pretty sure it’s online. I have social anxiety and I’m not good at conversations and stuff so I feel like this makes everything worse. I’m more extroverted when I get to know someone. Then I’m my true self