Looks like my account was banned/restricted for the above interaction, have already sent the mods on world an email asking if they’d be willing to reverse that. Had an episode of psychosis a few months ago where I did say some offensive stuff, (understandably) got a 3 month ban on .lol for that, so could see my account having been flagged.

I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them… when making a throw away comment that is less than 10 words involving a ludicrously common saying. Jerboa does not show users pronouns. I could switch to an app that DOES show the pronouns, do any Lemmings have a recommendation for a free Lemmy mobile app that has that feature?

Edit: Edie chimed in, Jerboa does show pronouns. It’s a formatting issue with mobile vs browser (She has them on individual text lines so they don’t appear on mobile).

Was just going to respond to the user in question to let them know I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend that individual, to discover I’m not able to post or make comments on world now, so figured I’d see what y’alls opinion on the matter is.

  • communism@lemmy.ml
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    14 days ago

    I think you shouldn’t assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn’t check her profile which says she’s a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I’ve especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.

  • Korthrun@lemmy.sdf.org
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    14 days ago

    I’m not even interested in the username of the person I’m responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there’s a comment like “lol, username checks out”.

    There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they’re trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.

    While it looks like the whole Jerboa/“miscommunication” thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don’t think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.

  • Vanth@reddthat.com
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    14 days ago

    Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.

    • ToucheGoodSir@lemy.lolOP
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      14 days ago

      I did apologize to the mod I emailed. Not looking for sympathy, frankly I was more interested from a technical perspective as to why her pronouns aren’t showing on Jerboa, but they were on the browser.

      • Vanth@reddthat.com
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        14 days ago

        That wasn’t your question though. If a technical jerboa question is what you intended to ask, about 90% of your post didn’t need to be included and the question in the title needed to be very different.

        As to your edit, I would not recommend PM’ing the user directly; that may be very unwelcome and further breach rules of that community. Personally, I would have asked the mods for a chance to edit my comment and apologize publicly. But with previous history of your self-described “psychosis”, if I were the mod I would be skeptical of your motivations.

        • ToucheGoodSir@lemy.lolOP
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          13 days ago

          Ya the admin of Blajah made a solid point that I should have anonymized the post, I rarely post/comment, so not super familiar with the etiquette. Definitely will keep that in mind in the future. & hey my person, there are a lot of severe mental disorders other than gender dysphoria that exist out there :|

  • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    14 days ago

    Whatever your thoughts on the original situation, you know her pronouns now, and you’ve directly reposted the thing that got you banned. This time around, you don’t have an excuse. You know that it’s an issue, but you didn’t anonymise the post, effectively sharing the misgendering with even more people

  • tyler@programming.dev
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    14 days ago

    Doesn’t really matter here. The saying is “the man, the myth, the legend”. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it won’t make any sense.

  • grue@lemmy.world
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    14 days ago

    You weren’t misgendering; you were meming. Modifying one part of “the man, the myth, the X” to adapt it to the situation is fine and good, but when you start swapping out too much of it (“the X, the myth, the Y” – or worse, “the X, the Y, the Z”) you lose the reference.

    • Zagorath@aussie.zone
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      14 days ago

      Yeah that’s my thought. It’s an expression. I’ve said things like “c’mon man” to people IRL I know to be women, without complaint. If I was using the word “man” in this kind of way and the person I was saying it to asked me not to, I would of course respect their wishes and stop doing it to them, but I’ve not seen it happen before.

      But a third person coming in to whinge when the person I was talking to had no complaint? 🙄

      (As a side note, with this specific expression I quite like the alternative of “the ma’am…”. That helps it scan exactly the same as the original phrase.)

      • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        13 days ago

        And other people deliberately use all of the “come on man” and “Hey mate” and “Dude is not gendered” explicitly at trans people, because it lets them get away with misgendering. So trans people, who experience that stuff every day, can be a little sensitive when someone does that, even if they aren’t doing it deliberately.

        In this case, not knowing the person, and not having access to their pronouns, the comment was fine. But once you know it’s an issue, repeating it despite knowing it’s an issue is a shitty thing to do.

  • Luna@lemdro.id
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    14 days ago

    I generally just use gender neutral language. I would check the person’s bio before using a phrase like that tho, especially if they have a trans flag emoji in their name

    That being said, getting banned/restricted for that comment alone seems a bit extreme to me tho

  • BCsven@lemmy.ca
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    14 days ago

    I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.

    I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned–if it was clearly not harrassment.

    I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.

    Again, anyone please don’t take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.

    On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me “Sir Or Madame” as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn’t even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.

  • TheDoctor [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    14 days ago

    What app do you use? Last I checked, pronouns are part of display names for Hexbear users. You shouldn’t have to check profiles. That’s the whole point of them being included in display names. Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.

  • ClassifiedPancake@discuss.tchncs.de
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    14 days ago

    I don’t think it’s necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.

      • REgon [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        14 days ago

        Most of it, but that has nothing to do with you and is just a meagre deflection. The right response would have been “whoops my bad, didn’t notice that, I’ll do better next time” or a variation thereof.
        Shifting the discussion as you are trying to do is just poor behaviour that makes your alleged genuine questions seem much less so. Sort of how like when I misgender someone I don’t go and make a big fuss about it, dig my heels in and try to start a discussion about morality or expectations. I correct my mistake and thank the person for informing me of it. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one, which you’ve done

        • ToucheGoodSir@lemy.lolOP
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          14 days ago

          Globally? Dawg… how many countries in Asia and Africa is gay marriage even legal in, let alone some semblance and awareness of transgenderism.

  • BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works
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    14 days ago

    Rule #21 of the internet: everyone is a guy

    Addition 1: every women is actually a guy

    Addition 2: every kid is an 18+ guy

    Addition 3: little girls are FBI Agents

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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    14 days ago

    I’m pretty apathetic to gender in general but I’ve had gender confirming surgery to be NB which I guess technically makes me trans and to be prefectly honest I’ve never felt more judged for it than by the lemmy LGBTQ+ community. The 50y/o southern man that was my nursing supervisor back when I was a new graduate was more respectful of my gender and lived experiences than these people. Honestly the thing they seem to hate most is specifically me expressing apathy for gender; I’ve mentioned that my transness expresses itself by not caring about the whole pronoun thing or needing to have any specific pronouns for myself personally, but that I understand it’s a matter of respect for others and I’ve literally gotten banned for saying that. Like almost exactly that. They’re absolutely hateful bastards for no reason other than that they’re upset and need everybody else to be upset too. I’m lucky I have a handful of supportive people irl because I sure asf wasn’t gonna find it here!

    • Dragon "Rider"(drag)@lemmy.nz
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      14 days ago

      Drag agrees, Lemmy is very cruel to trans people. Drag gets so many people yelling at drag for using drag’s first person neopronouns. So many people insisting drag’s pronouns are third person and making it into an argument.

      • anon6789@lemmy.world
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        14 days ago

        Drag threw me for a loop the first time drag replied to me. I assumed it was a bit at first because this is the Internet and all, but I looked at drag’s history to see what the story was, since it’s not like anyone gives an introduction before commenting.

        Other than the pronouns, Drag’s posts are like anyone else’s. Nothing was trollish, and Drag has explained drag’s pronouns a few times. It’s interesting to see drag’s idea is to create something simpler, but as it is not very English in structure, it sounds very strange at first. I think I’ve gotten the idea now, though I have had to make a few corrections as I type this.

        First, I think people should be able to be whoever they want to be, especially online, if they aren’t doing things to be jerks. Drag has not done anyone wrong that I’ve seen. So if Drag asks me to call drag by something, why wouldn’t I? Drag has engaged with me in a friendly way, so I owe drag the same.

        Second, I enjoy it as a creative exercise. It keeps my mind engaged while writing what would otherwise be a bland reply. It’s kind of fun to see language experience some flexibility and evolution, and if it honestly makes Drag feel better about drag’s self, I can accommodate that. If you can’t abide that, just move on and let Drag live drag’s life.

        Even though most of us are liberal here, it doesn’t mean we’re free of bias or not stuck in our own ways. Even if we don’t get something, it doesn’t hurt us to cooperate with someone that it does make sense to. That’s just my feelings though.