Integration tests? More like disintegration tests

Real men end up in my office for 30-45 minutes straight being yelled at like I’m some 80s police chief.

You’re a itchy trigger finger, and I swear to God I’ll have your ssh keys on my desk if you push to production again. Now get out… and don’t let the door hit you on your ass on your way out!

I want Musk, Zuckerberg, and Bezos on the same rocket. Also I want a spectacular fireworks display!

Hey, it’s perfectly possible to create a catastrophic test environment. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_1

Note: A more updated picture is not available, as we never found his ultra compressed remains.

Hey now, when you test in production…

… you gotta aim for the stars.

mOvE FAsT aNd bREaK THinGs

You’re remembered for the rules you break.

Fail early fail once.

my work we had test, stage and prod. test was very unstable as every merge auto deployed, so stage was semi stable where you would push changes you verified in test. then one day they decided to remove the stage environment. we have no data in test, other teams never passed data there, so we setup a semi production environment that has data and cost 10x as much. now they want to setup a stage environment to save costs but they don’t want to call it stage because that was bad and was too expensive. so they came up with a new name and are making everyone update to push data there. honestly i can’t take watching these people be praised for their innovation and promoted to make more of these shit decisions. the world’s gone mad and the madder you are the more you’re rewarded.

“Just fucking send it” - that guy

Test environments are for Windows, Icons, Menus and Pointers?

a junior dev asked me one time about our dev test environments. I chuckled before starting to look him dead in the eyes for 50 seconds straight without saying a single word, but my lips quivering. he had audible gasps as if to speak, but was ultimately speechless the entire time. he understood though. I could tell from the 1ml tear that formed only on his left eye. he pushed. prod crashed. we stayed late on a friday. management ordered pizza. I’m lonely and I love pizza. was all part of the plan.

Everybody has a test environment, but some people also have a seperate production environment

I put in a bunch of asserts and it ran on my machine, we’re good.