I missed the last step going down the stairs in my own home, landed flat with all my weight on one foot, and managed to break the heel bone right where all the bones come together in the middle of my foot.

In HS I skipped the first couple stairs and reached for the hand rail and my ring finger clipped it just perfectly enough to spiral fracture. I wasn’t fully convinced it broke and continued through my day but then the doctor confirmed. It just felt like there was no way I could’ve sustained that kinda damage from something so boring but I still can’t close my fist without that finger veering into my pinky.

Got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. On the way back to bed I accidentally tripped on a piece of furniture I didn’t see. When I turned on the light my pinky toe was bent in a right angle. Had to have it reset and taped up but since it was my right foot I couldn’t drive for several weeks. Every day I just thought how stupid and avoidable this whole mess was.

deleted by creator

I’ve dislocated my shoulder fourteen times, mostly in an innovative way each time.

Once, a friend invited me to play catch with a group. I came along for the socialization, but warned that if I threw anything that I would dislocate my shoulder and have to go to the hospital. He scoffed and said it wouldn’t happen. Somehow he convinced me it wouldn’t, so I threw the ball once, then immediately had to go to the hospital, as I had dislocated my shoulder.

Another time, my dad had to take me to the hospital, as I had been laying in bed and attempted to turn over, dislocating my shoulder.

I cracked my ribs mountain biking. Two months later, I got food poisoning and re-cracked them, whilst throwing up.

I did a burpee and when jumping my feet back in towards my hands, they went too far and i kicked my own wrist. My toenail took a chunk of skin out of my wrist. So dumb.

I gestured energetically to someone to throw the next fruit to me to fruit ninja it and cut my hand on the knife

As a kid (+/- 7yo) I saw a huge ass nail hanging out from some broken piece of wood laying in the school yard and thought: “I’ll make a hole in my slipper”, so I hovered my foot over the nail, but that didn’t do it. “Oh I need to put pressure on it”.

In my head I thought I was making an arch with my foot so that I would only put weight on the front and back of the slipper and the nail wouldn’t hit me. Only in my head.

So I stepped on the nail, injuring myself. I then went to an adult. After patching my foot they asked me to go find the nail and throw it in the trash, before anyone else steps on it too.

The piece of wood was too big for me to handle, so I thought: “nobody is gonna be stupid enough to step on that” and left it there.

I was on the roof of a 4 story building and was trying to show off to others. The building next to the one I was on was 3 stories and there was an alley between the buildings. The alley was wide enough for cars to get through and a line of trees next to the driving part, about 20 feet total from building to building. I wasn’t going to try jumping the entire alley, my plan was to jump to a tree, grab one of the branches and ‘ride’ it to the roof of the other building. I executed the manuever almost perfectly. It went exactly as I had imagined but with one exception: I was also smoking a cigarette. The lit part of the cigarette was knocked off the end and the burning coals managed to slip around my glasses and got stuck directly in the middle of my eyeball. It burned my cornea, thankfully not too seriously. I was blind in that eye for about a month while it healed.

I honestly don’t know how I am not blind in that eye. It’s my good eye too. I’ve had 2 other situations that led to being blinded in the same eye, that was the second incident. Both of the other two incidents are also dumb.

The first was from me forgetting to take out my contacts, during the brief time I wore them. They were one pair a week contacts, which I wore for a month and a half. The eye got infected and prevented me from wearing contacts again due to corneal scarring. It also prevented me from seeing much of anything at my first concert. I was 14 and the headliner was Blink 182. I was told that they had ladies take their shirts off on the stage, something 14 year old me would have been very interested in seeing. I saw nothing though, one eye was covered with a medical patch, the other was contactless, I had no glasses at the time and my vision in the eye that worked is 20/180.

The last and most recent dumb injury was not really my fault, at least I don’t think it was but that’s debatable. I was working in an aluminum extrusion factory. They made parts for the frames of windows and doors. After the parts are extruded and cut, some of the edges are razor sharp. A coworker of mine had to take a tool and deburr these sharp edges, so that workers handling the material don’t cut themselves by accident (or on purpose I suppose). The process leads to piles of razor sharp slivers of aluminum all over the place. I was chatting with a coworker after my shift was done, waiting for her to finish cleaning up her work area. I had removed my work glasses and was wearing my normal glasses. Big OSHA no-no. My normal glasses did not have the requisite side shields. The coworker used compressed air to clean up the area by blasting the pieces off the extrusions and onto the floor to be swept up. She playfully blasted some in my direction while we were talking. A sliver of aluminum was blasted into my eye and got lodged there. I had to have minor surgery and was blinded in that eye for 2 months. Since I was clocked out at the time, I was not covered by workmans comp. I probably could have gotten it covered but at that time I regularly smoked weed, so I would have failed the mandatory workmans comp drug screen and lost my job. I chose to keep my job and paid for the removal, approximately $9,000 in 2005 money.

Thanks for reading! Since this was pretty long, you get a bonus for reading: A dumb joke! In 2015 I had a job interview. I had seen a joke online and everything needed for the joke played out. The interviewers asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. I responded that I did not know because I did not have 2020 vision. I did not get the job. Still worth it.

As a volunteer firefighter, I stepped over a hose in the dark and fell into a drainage ditch. Tore the ligaments in my ankle and chipped the bone.

I went to catch a falling board with my foot, turned out to be a plow blade. I still don’t understand how it didn’t shatter the bones in my toes.

I tried to pick up a friend that was way heavier than me and I dropped him on myself, injuring my knees possibly forever

i sneezed and it triggered a muscle spasms on my lower back that led to me being stuck in bed for two weeks.

it would happen again a year or so later when i reached for a glass of water and again; another year or so later; when i tripped on uneven pavement.

I had to borrow a car, it was going to be a 20 minute round trip, person and I sit roughly the same way, so I didn’t think to adjust the seat. It wasn’t terribly uncomfortable, just not exactly right.

Ended up pinching a nerve in my back. Could barely move for 3 days, had to delay starting a job because of it.